leavethesky: (jada)
[personal profile] leavethesky
Several wonderful people have emailed/messaged me lately to make sure everything's alright in leavetheskyland. I know I haven't been posting much/pimping the incredible fic out there not to mention leaving much deserved feedback on the fic I do read so this is my attempt at some sort of explanation.

Like so many other people I've had a pretty terrible 2010 and it's kept giving. I'm very sick with something. All the local docs know is that I probably have some sort of autoimmune disease (which they can't be bothered to figure out because it's HARD and it's not like I'm blind or dying right now or anything so can't I just shut up and go jog or something?) and, oh yeah, it's screwing up my cortisol levels. Other than that, they seem to be good only at billing me for not actually doing anything. Yay American Healthcare!!? At this point, it's no exaggeration to say that I know much more than my local docs about my health/diagnosis. I'm a grad student and obsessive researcher. I now read shit like Journal of Endocrinology (IDK if that's the correct name, too lazy to look it up) and understand it. I don't want to know these things, people.

The good news: I've been to the Cleveland Clinic where the doctors are interested, smart, knoweldgeable about the latest research, talk to each other about your case, and ACTUALLY CALL YOU. No, I'm not kidding. I dropped the phone the first time my internist called. I have to go back for more tests (of course), but they seem to be narrowing down on the culprit(s) which looks like my pituitary and hypothalamus glands (tumor or autoimmune disease). Yes, you need these glands to live, have any energy, etc. and not having them functioning properly can cause all kind of weird and awful shit to happen, which these doctors seem to actually understand. Once they figure out the underlying problem, I'm hoping to get my life back. I'll be paying for it the rest of my life thanks to my crappy insurance, but at least I'll have a life *fingers crossed*

Also, my cat is dying. I'm taking him in tomorrow to have him put down if he survives the night. Why doesn't this shit get any easier? I keep thinking 'this cat will be different. He will never die.' But I'm always wrong.

So what does this have to do with this LJ? My brain is not functioning correctly thanks to whatever is wrong with me. Every time I leave feedback or make a post, I look at it later and cringe. On a good day, they just read as off. On a bad day, they read as crazyasfuck. I've responded to posts and come back later to find that I seemed to be responding to another post I read earlier in the day or yesterday or maybe it was a post IN MY CRAZY BRAIN. Cra.Zy. I've taken to twitter and my GF proofs everything I post for crazyasfuckedness. Also, no one remembers anything on twitter or reads back in time more than an hour anyway so I am relatively safe.

I can say that your fics and vids have given me an incredible escape from the hell of being chronically ill/in pain. So thank all of you huge amounts for that. You've given me a happy place to escape to. What? Your happy place isn't GOGA? Femslash=better than pain meds. For reals. You can bill me.

Date: 2011-01-29 01:13 am (UTC)
ein_myria: (zomg)
From: [personal profile] ein_myria

...I wish you all the best in the hopes of a speed(ier) recovery.

I thought you were taking one of your breaks, tbh; I imagined you enjoying the sandy beaches and coconut trees with your gf or something, but alas. That was apparently not the case. I'll see if I can come scrounge up some recs for your next bit of escapism, then. :)



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